Personalized spending roasts
Where did my money go?
You send a month of questionable purchases. We prepare and deliver a personalized report that makes you laugh first—then shows you exactly what to do next.
Digital PDF report — delivered online. No physical product.
Private, judgmental, and actually useful.
SwipeCrimes report
RECENT DAMAGE
- Target Tax
- $847
- Caffeine Dependency
- $187
- Amazon Amnesia
- $611
- “I’ll cook tomorrow” Fund
- $392
Ma'am. Explain yourself.
How delivery works
BUY IT. SEND IT. GET ROASTED.
This is a personalized digital PDF service—not a box on your porch, an app login, or an instant robot result.
- 01
Buy the report
Choose the level of accountability you want. Checkout happens online.
- 02
Send your purchases
Upload or type in one month of purchase information. No complicated setup.
- 03
Receive your finished PDF
SwipeCrimes prepares your personalized report and delivers it online.
The useful part
A REPORT THAT DOES MORE THAN ROAST.
After we call out the DoorDash second mortgage, you get a practical breakdown that helps you decide what to keep, cut, or question.
Category breakdown
See the real shape of your spending.
Money leaks
Find the habits quietly draining the account.
Keep / cut / questionable
A judgement call for the charges that deserve one.
30-day challenge
Turn the roast into a small, doable win.
Pick your level of accountability
START WITH A SIDE-EYE. LEAVE WITH A PLAN.
The receipts don't lie.